Silent Devotion

How Many Summers Have Passed You By?

As a husky child, I always cared for the summer months a little less than the other kids, all the while wishing I could enjoy them just as much.

When everyone jumped into the pool with enthusiasm, ridding themselves of the confines of their clothing and the unforgiving heat, I hesitantly entered the water, still with he shirt on my back; terrified of exposing myself to everyone.

I had been teased enough with my clothing on, and I was not ready to find out how relentless the kids would be if I didn’t have at least one shell of protection.

I smiled and enjoyed myself on the outside, and was miserable internally.

All the while a hostage in a prison of my own making.

I saw the happiness on others’ faces, and I vowed that I would be just as happy as them, next summer.

Next summer, I’d be in the deep end with no shirt and the body I had always wanted.

Next summer, all of the other kids would want to hang out with me.

Next summer, nobody would tease me. They would look up to me.

Next summer.

That next summer came, and it was the same situation.

My arms were never as “cut” as the next guy’s; I wasn’t ever quite as cool either.

I allowed a lot of summers to slip by, but, it was okay, I would make up for it, “next summer.” I told myself I was going to get into the best shape of anyone, and the missed summers would be worth it in the end.

I finally achieved that look I wanted, but the problem is that I got it too many summers too late.

See, when the summers finally came, I was too unsure of myself to enjoy them. I was too miserable in my own situation to see all that I did have; I could only see what was wrong with me.

In hindsight, I was a hard worker as a kid. I got sick of being chubby, and I decided to do something about it.

I gave up the sweets, and I took up running.

I ran, then I ran, and then I ran some more.

When next summer finally came it was still not good enough.

In hindsight, I let too many days, too many summers, too many experiences, pass by me, because I was busy living in the future. I was consumed with a time that would not exist. Not now, not ever. A time that only I could see, where I was perfect and absolutely nothing was impossible.

Living in that future cost me too many memories.

Residing in that future convinced my mind that the present moments were unimportant, and things would be better….next summer.

It took a lot those summers for me to realize that that outside wasn’t lacking. It took many missed opportunities and lackluster experiences to make me get fed up and for me to accept that I had to overhaul the way I saw life. Not my body.

I let a lot of summers pass by. I won’t ever have them back.

But now, I try to live in the present. I may never have next summer. I may never be able to invest in a house 5 years from now. I can’t get back the summers I have missed, and I can’t go back in time to help that little chubby kid gain enough confidence to take off his shirt.

But I can go out today and enjoy it for what it is.

Reality.

The Present.

The only thing that truly matters.

So, enjoy “this summer”, as much as you can. Until next time, take the Red Pill, and see me in the morning.

Insecure People…Or Jerks?

In your journey to create a confident and powerful self, I’m sure you have had plenty of people make the quest pretty difficult. Who are these insecure people? Or are they jerks?

If you’re trying to lose weight, they won’t stop asking you to the ice cream shop; their treat. They insist it would be so much more fun than those carrot sticks and treadmill. “Who wants to go to the gym anyway? Everyone’s so smelly, and you’ll never lose weight.”

Trying to quit smoking? That’s the best. “You’re always so grumpy now; I liked you better when you smoked.”

Quitting your drinking? “You’re boring now.”

Working on inner confidence? That is the absolute worst. You don’t even have the self confidence to tell them what they need to be told when they start criticizing you for BETTERING YOURSELF!

What is wrong with these people anyway?

Who are these jerks?

They’re actually not.

They’re insecure people.

And if your personal problem happens to be confidence, you can believe that they are worse than you have ever been. You are at least self aware enough to understand that you need to work on your image of yourself. You know that you aren’t in the place you want to be, but you’re going about things the right way, and looking in the right place.

Inside of you.

The insecure people you encounter don’t even have a clue as to why they do things that they do.

Insecure people tend to be miserable, and we know it loves company.

That is why they give you a hard time.

People that are insecure do not like change.

They know, deep down, that they do not care for the person that they actually are, and they do not like having to face that fact,

An insecure person prefers for you to stay exactly the way that you are, not because they like you but because they like themselves for how they are.

They would rather not hear about you giving up smoking, because they only see how miserable they’ll be when they have to smoke alone in the cold.

Insecure people don’t appreciate you quitting alcohol. If you don’t make a fool of yourself, everyone else will call THEM the alcoholic.

Insecure people don’t want you to gain any confidence, increase you self esteem, and finally realize how much you have prevented yourself from achieving the things you’ve always believed you could, but were to afraid to attempt, because they are not that brave, yet.

So help them out, and come back when you need a little inspiration.

We’ll still be here.